Max Littman, LCSW
September 8, 2024
A neglected aspect of the tragedy of accumulating burdens is the concealment of the innate gifts of our parts and the prevention of their growth. I do not believe we are born into any one calling, but I do believe we are born with certain strengths, tendencies, gifts, and abilities. It is tragic when these qualities are not noticed, nurtured, appreciated, encouraged, or allowed to grow. The world and its communities become deprived of natural resources when this happens.
Two of my parts’ gifts I’ve come to know, appreciate, nurture, and share are clarity in communication and attunement to the inner worlds of others. As I and my partner navigate duel immense losses, the death of a pet and a failed adoption, my internal system is looking to the parts with these gifts of clarity and attunement to not only provide some respite, but also to remind the rest of the system there is a larger existence than the pain of these losses.
A gift my system wants to share at this moment is the potential for the emergence of new parts later in life. As we began to parent the infant we eventually had to return to birth mother, parenting parts emerged. These parts were tuned into baby’s needs, reminding me when to check on her and experimenting what did and did not soothe her. They were protective of baby in precarious circumstances. They used my leg to kick away a large spider that scurried toward her as I changed her diaper late at night. They shielded her from direct sunlight during daytime walks. They took her out of her swaddle when she looked too red and hot. They had instincts that felt of ancient design, dormant until they were needed with an infant now in my and my husband’s care.
After returning baby to birth mother at her request, these parts began to grasp for something that wasn’t there. It is reminiscent of baby’s sucking reflex continuing even after the bottle has left the mouth. I experience these parts fading away, knowing they are ready for the next infant charged to their care. I am in awe of them.
Of course there are other parts involved in my process of grief. Angry ones, sad ones, shocked ones, numbing ones, distracting ones, and ones focused on continuing to manage day to day life. A not so hidden gem in all of this is the respite of having a child days after the loss of a pet. Our dog Fozzy passed away from multiple cancers three days before the birth of the child we attempted to adopt. While baby was in our care, our attention moved completely to her. Our love and care for Fozzy transferred, at least partially and immediately, to baby. Our sadness for Fozzy’s passing re-emerged after we returned baby.
As these dual grieving processes continue to unfold, I draw from the Self energy of my husband, my family, my friends, my communities, nature, myself, and the gifts of my parts.
So why do I write and share all of this? Because my parts need it. By nurturing their gifts and allowing them to bring them to the outside world I am fostering healing and growth in my own system.
I invite you, dear reader, to consider what gifts your parts have, how to nurture and encourage them, if your parts need these gifts to be shared beyond your system, if there are burdens that conceal these gifts and impede their growth, and where the right place is to plant and share these gifts. I wish for a day to know, witness, benefit from, and appreciate your gifts.
Love to all,
Max
For feedback and comments, I can be reached at max@maxlittman.com.
I provide private practice mentorship, consultation, and therapist/practitioner part intensives.
