Max Littman, LCSW
February 28, 2025
I’ve been noticing lately how my morning IFS meditations aren’t always led from Self. Or rather, how often parts of me take over the purpose of meditating altogether. What starts as a way to attune to my system and be with myself can easily become another way to pursue improvement, meet internal standards, or accomplish something. I figured I’d share some of the parts that show up for me around meditating, not to judge or exile them, but to let them be seen and understood. And perhaps to normalize this experience and help others’ parts feel seen and understood as well.
These parts always have good intentions, even if their ways of helping can be intense or counterproductive. And I’ve realized that the goal isn’t to force myself into Self-leadership as an achievement, but to relate to the parts with openness. When I do that, things have a way of naturally settling.
The Meditation Team in My System
Here are some of the parts that show up when I sit down to meditate:
- Spiritual, Somatic, and Soul Critic: This part wants me to transcend my suffering, reach a higher plane of consciousness, and get it “right.” If I’m feeling restless or distracted, this part can get critical: “You’re supposed to be dropping into your body. Focus. Be spiritual about this.”
- Chief Financial Officer (CFO) Part: This one sees meditation as a tool to improve my professional skills. “If you do this well, you’ll be a better therapist, consultant, and teacher. This is an investment, don’t waste it.” It’s practical and driven but can forget that my system doesn’t need to be optimized every moment.
- Striver Part: It wants calm, peace, and relief. “Let’s get rid of this anxiety already. Meditate so we can finally feel better.” It’s motivated by the hope of internal ease but can push me to rush past what’s actually there.
- Good Girl Part: This part believes that meditating is what good, virtuous people do. “Be a good person. Let’s do our practice. Don’t skip it, it wouldn’t be good. Bad things might start to happen if we don’t.” Its energy is laced with duty and a fear of falling short.
- Connecting-the-Dots Part: Ever analyzing and discerning, this part engages meditation as a tool to understand myself and others better. “If we sit long enough, we’ll figure out why you reacted that way yesterday. Let’s connect the pieces.” Insight is valuable, but this part can over-intellectualize the process.
- Writer/Editor Part: This one wants to observe and articulate what’s happening. “This could make for a good blog post. How would you explain what you’re feeling? Let’s put words to it.” While creative, it can pull me into performative reflection rather than genuine presence.
- Hyperliberal Critic: Focused on embodying social justice, this part urges me to be mindful of privilege, oppression, and responsibility. “Are we meditating just for ourselves? Shouldn’t we be thinking about the collective? Let’s not get complacent in personal peace when there’s work to be done.”
- Public Relations Part: Concerned with external perception, this part whispers, “People respect those who have a consistent spiritual practice and clarity on the inner world. We should be the kind of person who meditates every day. That is appreciated and well-regarded.” It’s driven by the desire for respect and legitimacy.
Ways to Relate with Compassion and Curiosity
When I notice these parts leading, I remind myself that the point isn’t to push them aside and get back to Self. It’s to be with them as they are. Here are some ways I’ve been relating to them lately:
- Acknowledging Their Intentions: I access appreciation for the parts’ good intentions. The striver wants relief. The spiritual critic wants integrity. The CFO wants me to be effective. Recognizing their positive intent softens the relationship and there is a noticeable relaxing of tension in my mind and body.
- Inviting Them In: Instead of meditating to get away from these voices, I savor in their presence. I begin to notice their configuration, their movement, their messages from a place of patience, appreciation, and observation.
- Curious Inquiry: I ask questions like, “What are you hoping I’ll gain from this? What are you afraid would happen if I don’t meditate the way you think I should? How long have you been trying to help me this way?” Their answers often surprise me.
- Letting Go of the ‘Right’ Way: I remind myself that even if I spend the whole meditation with parts leading, that’s not a failure. It’s still connection time. Sometimes the goal of being Self-led becomes another part-driven pursuit. Being in a state of consciousness of Self-leadership is extremely pleasant and can be well accessed when it is not framed as a goal but a state of consciousness that can be accessed.
- Humor and Lightness: When the writer/editor part starts drafting blog posts mid-meditation (like it did today), it brings a smirk to my face. Of course it would do this, and how wonderful that it does.
- Permission to Not Change: I convey to my parts with just the shift in energy to openness that they don’t have to stop what they’re doing. Paradoxically, when they feel no pressure to change, they often soften on their own and reveal more vulnerably with me about themselves.
The Intent Isn’t Perfection, It’s Relationship
It’s easy for meditation to become another self-improvement project or a way to meet internal expectations. But the heart of my practice is about relationships, being with whatever arises, including the parts of me that want meditation to do something. When I meet them with compassion and curiosity, Self energy naturally arises. Not because I achieved it, but because that’s naturally what happens when parts feel seen, heard, and not pushed aside.
So if you notice parts leading your meditation, or any practice meant to connect you with yourself, you’re not alone. Maybe they just need a seat at the cushion with you.
For feedback and comments, I can be reached at max@maxlittman.com.
I provide private practice mentorship, consultation, and therapist/practitioner part intensives.
